Tuesday, October 4, 2016

I Feel So Alive For The Very First Time...

Finally I can declare that the heavy clouds that are hanging ominously above me are slowly clearing, revealing the speckles of sun that have been wanting to shine its light on me. Finally I could (almost) shake off the monkey that has been clinging on to my back all these years, forcing me to live in constant jittery. Finally...I feel so alive for the very time in...3 years. It's a tad incredulous to believe that I actually survived all three years being grappled by anxiety. I felt so miserable every single day to be honest. But I am glad that I can finally breathe now. :)

 photo I Feel So Alive_zpscfda3rzd.jpg
That kind of feeling...

So what had been bugging my "operating system" for the past 1,095 days? Well...on the surface it appeared to be exhaustion due to my work and family. Can't blame them for thinking that the latter is wearing me down, especially when you have two boisterous, energetic kids who can't stop running and talking all day long. Ha :D Can anyone guess what had been bogging me down? If you had been in touch with me from time time when the "signal" is a bit stronger, you would know that I was pretending to be as busy as a beaver, trying to complete my Masters Studies. So hereby, I would solemnly announce that I have completed my dissertation paper for submission. Woohoo! What a victory for me.

 photo I Was A Zombie_zpsiydktllj.jpg
I was like one of them...

Gosh...this final hurdle was almost impossible for me to clear. So what or who were the culprits in delaying my progress? The tip of the iceberg pointed out that I was too busy with my work and my family. Then again when we go deeper, it became clear that the whole can of worms was because of my very own procrastination and my ignorance. In other words it boils down to the man I sees in the mirror every single day (I am not that vain). I gave myself too many excuses and I am glad I could snap out of it in time.

 photo Tekkaus Among Petals_zpsizdrizy2.jpg
Look who's back? Hahaha

Now I can finally breathe and sleep better (I'm serious). Gone were the days that I knew I had something that I needed to attend to and chose the seemingly easier route-oblivion. At times I felt like a zombie, walking with those flesh dangling around my weakening frame. Dang! I am so relieved that I have finally reanimated. LOL So to cut a long story short, I am glad that I can finally be alive (hopefully I don't have to amend too much of my thesis). Now I can look forward to being alive and enjoying what I have always used to do years before this nightmarish episode. Ouh...and that includes blogging again. :)

P.O.D. Alive!